Crabby Patty

It's been a week since Patty's camp sleepover. Despite a coming down from a night of giggling and no sleep, we had the expected meltdown from Patty, however, that's been it. I keep waiting. Where is it? Usually we spend the morning screaming and ranting so obscenely loud, I'm sure our neighbors down the road wonder if they'll see us on the 6:00 news. Here's how our mornings usually go:

Patty wakes up, a Crabby Patty, and crawls in bed with us, grunting.
If I am already up, getting dressed, there is pure hell to pay, I am supposed to cuddle with her for approx 15 minutes or so.
She demands that I get back in bed and put my pj's back on to cuddle with her. It's like cuddling with Satan at that point.

Next, she refuses to eat breakfast, get dressed or brush her teeth and hair.
Jerry sees it's time to head off to work, so he leaves, heeding safety. (Disclaimer: Jerry has attempted to help cage this tornado, but she will not let him within 3 feet of her.)

She changes about 23 times into shiny, princess dress-up costumes, taffeta flower girl dresses, bikini tops with mini skirts, all to my disapproval. I have gotten over the blind man pattern clashes these days, I am just plain desperate for her to put on something at least weather appropriate.

You' re probably wondering, ...what about that other kid she has? She hardly mentions him...Yes, our older one, Cole, is really an easy, obedient kid. He gets up, gets dressed, eats, follows instructions, is sweet and smiley. There are hardly ever any issues in the morning with him. He is my ray of sunshine during a these recent "storms" with Patty.

When Patty refuses to brush teeth and hair, this is when I officially lose it. We have to get out the door on time, I can hear the clock loudly ticking in my ear. Psychomommy mode kicks in, and I find myself shrieking and counting, "ONE...TWO...I'm almost at three...Ok, last chance...THREE!!!!" The veins are bulging out of my head which is beginning to spin around! I brush her teeth for her, while she is screaming and sobbing, not a pretty sight. I am wondering how the film crew from Supernanny will film this scene when they come to our house.

Last and certainly not least, there is the sunblock showdown. Here in AZ, it is commonplace for sunblock to be a part of the morning routine with temperatures consistently over 110 degrees for 8 weeks straight. Of course, Patty despises sunblock. Of course, we have to do it. I have purchased spray, stick, pink, you name it, we have tried it. Pinning a slippery, wailing child down to apply the sunblock, all while wearing a suit and heels, is a scene fit for America's Funniest Videos. But it's not funny.

So, for the past week, we have been absent of the Crabby Patty. I know it's only a week, but it's been joyous. There has been a new child living in her room. I don't know who she is, but I wanna keep her. Maybe all those pennies in the fountain and stray eyelash wishes really do work.