Three Deaths in Two Weeks

Hi. I'm going to begin with my usual apology for not blogging regularly. So here it is. I. Am. Sorry. That's it. That's all I'm gonna do.

Over the past two weeks, I have been somewhat touched by three deaths. They say bad things happen in threes. I think they do. The first one was our school principal's daughter, who battled depression for years and is finally at peace at the very young age of twenty-five. She was the principal's only child. My brain cannot even begin to fathom the deep and scorching pain that must burn a hole right through your aching sole when something so earth-shattering happens. Awful.

The second death was our Uncle Albert. He wasn't exactly an Uncle, he was my stepdad's cousin, I think. Uncle Albert was like a father to my mom, very caring, kind, gentle and sweet. A good, endearing man who you longed to be around. He talked about "making memories" and the importance of the concept. He was in his late eighties and suddenly was having bizarre delusions, his hands turned black due to some apparent vascular blockage and after a few days of ups and downs he passed away. He is now with his equally lovely wife, Dorothy and their child, Marcy, who died when she was only nine years old. With this much tragedy, how could he have been so kind-hearted? I would have become a menace to society for sure.

The third death occurred today, a rep who works for my company in Tucson, in her early forties passed away. She was having GI issues for a short time, was admitted to the hospital and died during surgery. Unexpected. I just saw her a month ago at a meeting. Hard to believe.

These type of events rock my core. It makes me want to go live better, stronger, to feel alive right this very second. It makes me want to promise that... "I'm gonna..." and then I list stuff that I'm gonna do or not do, so here they are:

I'm gonna...
Not be so nice to EVERYONE~! This is a detriment to myself and I know it. Why do I need to be overly nice to the hostess at the restaurant cleaning off the crumbs stuck to the menus, the lady in front of me at the grocery store who has fifty gazillion coupons, the ultra bitchy acquaintance that doesn't give a crap about me that I smile at anyhow and say, "hi" to, not expecting anything in return but a grimace. I'm tired of being nice. It really sucks. As my mom says, "Nice guys finish last!" So screw it. No more over the top sugary sweetness from this bee-otch. I'm just gonna save it all up for the people who I love and who love me back. So take that~!

I'm gonna...
Make more of an effort to be a better "homemaker". I know you're snickering at the 1950's Leave It To Beaver image and the prospect of me with an apron on, whipping up a casserole in heels and perfect hair. It's kinda funny. I just really hope my kids don't only have memories of me making quesadillas in the toaster oven and pasta ev-er-y sin-gle sol-i-tar-y god bless-ed night~! I also would love it if my husband came through the door and looked amazed and excited when his nostrils filled with the unbelievably savory aroma of a fabulous home cooked dinner, at least once or twice a week, instead of the usual, "whadda you want for dinner?" which usually follows with us eating tortilla chips or an apple. I just finished ironing Jerry's old, faded jeans, so you know I must be serious about this one.

I'm gonna...
Take better care of myself. We just joined a schmancy gym that is three minutes from our house, so we'd better get our flabby asses there. My cholesterol is high and I know it is imperative that I get it under control because I want to be around for my kids to "make memories" with. In the same breath, I'm also not gonna "not live" to the fullest, today I had a Grande instead of a Tall at Starbucks and ate the rest of the king size bag of Cheetos without a single regret. I forgot how absolutely delectable Cheetos are. I even licked my orange stained fingers and held the giant bag up to my mouth and polished off every single fabulous crumb.

I'm gonna...
Love more fully. I tend to hold back at times, not intentionally, but I just do. I am not as verbal or emotionally available to tell my loved ones how deeply I love them, even though I think it. I will try to share my gratitude and love more openly, not to be confused with being too nice though.

Kinda New Year's resolutions like, eh? But they're just "I'm Gonnas" to make me appreciate how fragile and ever-changing life can be. Notice, I didn't include "I'm gonna blog more..." Cuz I can't commit to something that demanding. So there it is for now. Go forward and conquer. And make some memories.